Stupid Cancer, The IV Shuffle, and getting to know your drugs...

Cancer really sucks.

I KNOW I'm not the first to say that and I won't be the last but for one stupid group of cells that continues to be the stupidest cells on the planet I wish they would just go extinct, why do they do this, what purpose do they serve? Ugh, I guess I'll never know...

My brother has been doing 8 hour stints in the day hospital at USC (don't tell my dad, a HUGE UCLA fan) every day for the past four days. Thankfully we're on our last day (of this 8 hour thing for this round) and trying desperately to keep boredom at bay. We've created the IV Shuffle (below)--a dance to the very printer-like beats his IV pumps make--my mother and I do this cha-cha when we get up to use the bathroom.  We've made jokes about how much Evan has to pee. Taken a LOT of naps (sleeping is the best when there's nothing else to do) and created a few indecent inside jokes just for the hell of it. Right now we're all reading magazines--it's 1:42 on a Friday and we won't get out of here until 7 and then drive an hour home. It's been a long week and it'll be a long day but we're pushing through because it's one week in and we have 8 more to go.

I'm really proud of my brother. For many reasons: for finishing college even though it was very tough for him learning with a learning disability (ADD, Visual processing issues). I'm still amazed that he had the perseverance and the determination to not even consider giving up. I'm proud of him for not writing off women after bad experiences and treating his girlfriend like she's important and worthy of respect (go Mom, btw for teaching him that). For his bluntness albeit harsh sometimes. And for his passionate dedication to learning and growing in the areas he loves. He's a wonderful man and a great brother (even if he did elbow me in the head while brushing his teeth for umpteen years in our shared bathroom) and although chemo sometimes makes him cranky he's still being so strong and brave and kind throughout this whole thing.

I love you hermano.



Cancer is really dumb and the treatment for it is so damaging I can't believe it's a treatment rather than a punishment. I see all of the patients in here wrecked from chemo, they're frail and sickly-looking--not something the cancer is doing to them but that they're doing to themselves to be rid of it. It seems so backwards, the treatment ravages your body making it impossible for cancer to live (that's the plan anyway) inside of you. It kills all of the living cells in your body, mucus cells, hair follicles, anything that is thriving chemo attacks. Right now it's our only option but I can't wait for the day when like in Elysium there's a bed you lie in and it eradicates cancer and why can't that day be today? I wish I was smart enough to figure these things out, I wish we all were.

Thank you for your prayers and love and everyone who has sent along a meal or care packages, or just to anyone who has thought about us in the past few months, I know God is listening (we've been chatting quite a bit lately) and I know he hears you, thank you.

Live, Love, and make Memories,

Kirsten

PS I've lost 23 lbs.